Oh.. I haven'T write here for a loooooooooooooooooooooong time... ooops!!haven't forgot about this blog, but I didn't feel like. but I should keep on writing here, I 've got several SNS, but there I can not wirte a lots of my FEELING .'Cause I have someones I don't want to be known...
Well, it's time to stick with here!
What I'm doing is.. writing thesis, which I really should be in rush, and also alittle bit job hunting.
I don't want to work, I don't want to be in the part of the company, but
I have to. It's a JOB. But,, I don't find the good one.
I've got two job interview ,then already I got fed up!
What a people doing?!?!
Actually it's so strange to see people wearing same cloths, speaking like,,,
overpolite way, (almost licking the boots of the Company)
I'm fed up also the way company heading, only to pursuade profit.
Well ..but nobody can living with 'I don want, I don want to ' , so I must find a job I can work and be pleased...
Oh it'S time to go to library, these days I can not get up early . I hate it!
Oh it's been a while,,,since the last I wrote here.
I am in japan now, finished a semester in Australia. Then, worked for a couple of weeks in Brisbane, traveled for a days.
Just before being back home I went to Malaysia and Singapore. iT was just the open door of backpacker traveling to me.... how exciting it was, i realised a lots,,, lots of facts, even myself.
Well,,,, after I'm back home it's been terrible time for me, the relationship with my family, (Im not going to write about it,, it was hell), I lost motivation for my life I don't know what I want now and for a life ahead.
It became lots better now. I wasn't really ready to write about my life even here during August. I belong to some SNS, myspace, facebook, mixi, but I thought nothing would help me as I really need, that's I learned this time, how helpless that kind of vertual relationsip is.
Ok, now my situaiton is not that bad, I am living in the flat share again(but not same place as before). But with no job,,,well I have to think about it. And I have to get job interview. I've got one already and I haevn't got answer, it's not hopefull. well I have to think a bit more.
I don'T know if I do hold some hope living in this society, I am completely lost right now!!!!! I am sure that less ,even less than before, people can talk to me currently, I mean, I am looking at different direction from ones of everyone. I've had several situation that I've got argue and it became having a go with a friend I had before I went to Australia. Seriously, am I really unacceptable in this society? hi-------- scarely.
I am thinking about a job i will have.
I do want to continue my study but I will do it later on. My parents are not so rich and I do have to earn some money if I want to keep on.
hu- I will try to write more, in English I feel more open to espress my feeling. Also I should be more skillful to constract my argue and explanation to people in written text.
I want to be a person who feel thank and being happy everyday.
I need to train and getting consult sometimes?? I guess?
More I spend time here, more I get tired and sick. How Different my ideal life from the ones of Japanese? Even my parents, I know of course they worry me because I am like this. But I am quite sure that I will have a job in next spring that is my dream, too!!!! So just stop pushing me to buy stupid black suits outfit and try to make me scared if I don't follow the 'standard Japanese way' to get job. Just shut up I am not idiot I am not sacking their money any more I just want to organise my life bymyself and it's my choice that I have a dream still !
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I don't know, it's better to work for a while in Japan and make some connection to get my dream closer. The point is, I can not decide which one should be my dream.
Japanese society and people don't let me have a dream in my life.
I haven't write here for a long time.... Now Iam in Kuara Lumpur, Malaysia.
This country is so different from Australian, now I admire backpackers from Europe traveling individual....I feel a bit scared and sometimes irritated because I can not communicate with local people in English! Especially in the transportation, market, shop. And if they don't speak English, just tell me that... don't say 'yes,yes'.... some times I never figure out what the person saying,,,,
Ifeel I am sowesternised. And I feel Iam bitch. I have been insisting that we never hold some kind of bias or prejudice towards certain kind of race group, especially colored race. I hate globalisation, I never want to agree with ' the scale of western is always right' that kind of stuff. But now,,,, oh no I am Ok here but I don't think I can be here for a long time!!!! What is common sence??? What is rude, and polite!!! I am so so confused and ...
I have been so naive even I had been studying sociology. My opinion and claim was based on someone's experience and now I really feel I hadn't learned bymyself. I didn't know anything but just wanted to be the one knows something. do you know I try to say?
I haven't eaten proper until today.
Because I am frighten!
#
by asacoppe
| 2006-07-21 22:46
| ?
I am 23 years old, and siniour year student in my university. To graduate my uni, I need to complete one more semester. Because when I was in Montreal, I had been in hiatus. I am one year behind from I am supposed to be.
But , what is "I am supposed to be"?
I am final year student and I appied exchange program of my uni. I was so surprised when I got accepted. I didn't expected it. But i am sure that it is super good chance rather than staying in Japan and finding a job. ( for me!) But now.....everytime when I make a phone call to japan, my relative and even my family say that I have to catch it up before I go back to japan.
What is " catch it up" !
Am I ,,,am I fallen behined?
I feel so bad, even I had a quarrel with my mom. I said, I want to have a job, I am sure that Iwill have job in a certain way Because I don' want to depend on my family anymore. Of course not. I want to continue my study but I want to do it on my own if I find some chance.
But,,,, now I don't want to think my experience in canberra was time wasting. I don't want to accept anyone tell me that I have to be hurry. So I am here? If "I" feel that I have to catch it up because I've been here, my life here isn't meaningful for me anymore. I am supposed to proud of myself. But people consider that I am going somewhere I am supposed to do.
I am so depressed after I talked to my mom, tried to tell her why I don't want to hear it. She said she doen't mean to. Well, that is the worse to hear it. She is always doing it unconsiouly?
Anyway I really don't want to go back.
Then I tried to write down What I want to do after I go back, and looked. Why, I really don't understand but everytime people make me that I am no worth to live, spending so much money to be abroad, but when I looked my like schedule ( hahah) I feel, well,,, just I can do it, why not? Why they can make me feel so nomb and dead? I don't want to say that I don' like Japan but certainly it makes me so despareted to go out.